Nicole & Jeff Birth Story!

[Jeff and Nicole]

Nicole began having contractions on Friday, June 15^th. They weren’t incredibly intense and were spaced far apart, so she didn’t feel the need to wake me until the next morning. The contractions built slowly and came at random intervals throughout the day into the early afternoon, so we spent the time growing excited and wondering if “this was it”. Just in case, I grabbed my notes from the childbirth class and began cramming. We also had some fun hone our birthing skills by practicing some the techniques we’d learned in class: squatting, applying pressure on hips and sacram, using the ball, etc. Around noon, we went to the farmer’s market, where I bought some fruits and veggies while Nicole walked around the jogging circle inside Park La Brea.

Around 2pm, things started to pick up. Contractions started getting spaced closer and closer together. We began calling in reinforcements. We called Nicole’s mom Linda and told her that we thought this was indeed ‘it’, and she said she’d plan on being home by around 7pm. We also checked in with the midwife. By 3:30, contractions had reached the point in her contractions where she could be admitted to the hospital if that’s where we were going. We called Nicole’s mom again and asked for her to come ASAP. She arrived around 4:30pm and was a welcome and calming presence, especially since contractions had begun to gain in intensity. We continued to experiment with different positions, and tried watching a movie to distract Nicole from the pain(“Say Anything” for the record). Eventually, the pain became too intense for her to stay on the bed. She stood up and hung onto me while standing while her mom squeezed her hips to alleviate some of the pain. After a couple of particularly intense contractions Nicole began to feel overwhelmed by the pain. Seeking some reassurance, we called our friend/doula/fairy godmother Ana Paula Merkel. I’m not sure what she said exactly, but apparently it was exactly the right thing. Nicole was remarkably calm after the conversation. We called Nicole’s Aunt Fran to come over and offer some of her nurturing

The midwife came over around 8pm to check on Nicole. To our surprise and delight, she was 80-90% effaced and 4cm dilated. Things were really on the move! We didn’t think anything had really happened at this point, so were thrilled we were already halfway there. This wasn’t going to be so tough after all!

Oh, how naïve we were as we began to settle in for a long night.

The time we spent during the night was exhausting, mystical, and just plain difficult. Nicole’s contractions would come in with an intense wave of pain. One or more of us would do what we could to help alleviate it, either by massaging her, holding her, pressing on her hips, whatever. Sometimes she’d just want to not be touched and just rock her body, trying to feel her way through the pain. Around 11:30pm, Ana Paula suggested we try to sleep as much as we could to keep up our strength. Linda and Fran went downstairs to sleep, Ana left, and Nicole and I put on some music, lied on our bed in a candlelit room and did what we could to sleep. We spooned on the bed, dozing briefly, and then a contraction would come and I would hold her or sit up and press on her hip to moderate some of the pain. It was a strange, almost hallucinatory experience as we got into the rhythm of the experience. The pain would come, we’d breath together, and then we’d rest. Pain, breathing, rest. We went on like this for about 2 ½ hours. Fran came in and joined our rhythm for awhile until the pain became too much for Nicole to bear. We made our calls again, calling Ana Paula and our midwife Catherine. They showed up around 2:30ish and Catherine checked Nicole and discovered that not much progress had been made. She was about 90% effaced, but still only about 5-6cm dilated. The process continued.

Around 6am, Catherine checked again. Once again little progress had been made in terms of dilation, which was difficult to hear after all of Nicole’s hard work these many hours. Also, a complication arose. Catherine kept checking the baby’s heartbeat, shifting Nicole’s position, checking again. The baby’s heartbeat had dropped to a troublingly low rate. Catherine said that she didn’t have the equipment to monitor the baby’s heart continually, and she urged us to go to the hospital. I looked at Nicole to see how she was reacting to the news. She seemed remarkably calm, which was reassuring, since I felt upset. Was the baby safe? Was Nicole safe?

I asked “does this mean we should call 911?” and she said no. I said, “Should we go to the hospital we want to go to that’s 20 minutes away, or go to the one 5 minutes away?” and she urged us to go to the closer hospital.

We grabbed a few things and jumped into the car. We raced to the hospital, Nicole having contractions in the front seat while Linda held her from behind. We pulled up to the emergency room, I dropped Nicole and her mom off, and cried to relieve some of my fears and tension as I drove to find parking.

Ana Paula had followed me, and we hurried inside to find Nicole and Linda. We found Linda, Fran, and Nicole being wheeled by an attendant as they were waiting for an elevator. To add to my growing fears, the attendant didn’t know exactly where he was going, and we circled around as Nicole had contractions in the wheelchair and the attendant tried to find the labor and delivery area.

After what seemed like ages, we found the right place and Nicole went into triage. The nurse gathered some basic information asked her to change into a gown and pee into a cup(“can’t they tell that she’s pregnant?” I thought-absurdly). The nurse asked us if we had a birth plan, and we said that we did but didn’t have it with us. Both of us were exhausted at this point and couldn’t really remember what exactly a birth plan was supposed to contain. When the nurse asked if Nicole wanted an epidural, she said that she did. I was struck by the moment because Nicole was incredibly calm during this process(while I was trying to hold back more tears). It wasn’t one of those, “oh god, oh god, yes, yes, give me the epidural” experiences, she just knew what she needed to get through the delivery and she asked for it. The nurse left and we had a moment to ourselves. I told her how strong she was and how proud I was of her to know what she needed and make the decision, even though she had wanted to avoid the epidural. She looked at me and said simply: “I’m just really tired’.

A couple of minutes later we were transferred to the birthing room. To our delight, the nurse that was helping us was incredibly awesome. She explained everything she was doing and offered lots of reassurance, which was invaluable, especially since Nicole’s contractions had grown quite intense. During this time, Nicole’s water broke(or so we thought—more on this later). The anesthesiologist came in and explained that the epidural would take about 20 minutes to administer, and that everyone would have to leave the room as it was being inserted. I was upset about having to leave her but knew I didn’t have a choice, so we all left to go get a cup of coffee and a little something to eat. After a brief sojourn to Yum-Yum Do-Nuts (an incredibly misleading name, I was to discover) we returned, only to be told we had to wait another 20 minutes. This only increased my anxiety, since no explanation was given.

When we finally made it back into the room, Nicole had transformed. She seemed calm and relaxed and smiled at us when we entered. She assured us she felt MUCH better, and she was easily able to hold a conversation. She was on an IV now as well, which seemed to really stabilize the baby’s heart. The nurse recommended we get some rest, so everyone else left the room. Nicole and I had a sweet moment to ourselves, one that I’ll never forget. She thanked me for being such a wonderful partner through the labor, and I told her I was in total awe of how much strength and determination she’d shown throughout the process. We cried together out of happiness and love for what we’d experienced up to this point and out of excitement and nervousness for what was still to come.

At this point, the hospital’s midwife came in. She was rambunctious and friendly, and explained to us the general plan. She had examined Nicole while we where out of the room and determined that the amniotic sac had only partially ruptured and was obstructing the head, which was preventing Nicole’s cervix from dilating. She said that if we wanted to expedite the labor, she could break the sac. Or we could just wait it out. Since Nicole’s condition was stable and since she had been up for about 34 hours by this point, she recommended getting some rest and then deciding what we wanted to do. After about 15 minutes, we called the nurse in and said we’d like to go ahead and break the sac. This took about another hour to actually happen, as someone in the next room had begun pushing and the midwife was needed for delivery. It was surreal to live vicariously through her labor just prior to our own.

After the wait, the midwife came in and broke nicole’s sac. Instead of the water being clear, there was meconium in the sac(basically, the baby had pooped inside the amniotic sac). This is a problem because once the baby’s born and starts breathing, he can bring all of this nasty stuff into his lungs, causing infection, difficulty breathing, and possible pneumonia. The midwife had to call pediatrics and an OBGYN and give the baby to them as soon as he was born so they could try to clear out as much of the stuff as possible.

Things started accelerating from here. Pediatrics wanted the nurse to try to run a solution through Nicole’s uterus(oh boy!) to try to “clean off” the baby before he was born. Meanwhile, Nicole’s contractions began to increase. The solution is supposed to go in and then drain out of her. Unfortunately, more was going in then was coming out. We never learned if this was the cause of the problem, but suddenly the monitors showed the baby’s heart was going way down again. The nurse called the midwife, who came in, looked at the monitors, and said that “it was time to get this baby out, now.” The OBGYN and pediatrician came in, the midwife prepared for active pushing, and we all watched the monitors with concern. Nicole and I gave each other a long look; this was it. Now was the time. We were going to have our baby.

The midwife explained that Nicole was to take a deep breath, bring her “knees towards her ears”, and then push on a ten count. Linda grabbed one leg and I grabbed the other. The time was now. The contraction came, Nicole inhaled, the midwife said “PUSH!”, and Linda counted as the both of us helped push Nicole’s legs back as she pushed. The baby’s head was visible almost immediately. We were all in awe and were crying as the excitement grew. By the 4^th set of contractions, Ethan was born! His head came out(which was insanely huge), quickly followed by the rest of him. Nicole and I burst into tears(along with the rest of the room). We shared another beautiful moment holding one another, kissing, and marveling at the incredible miracle we had just witnessed.

I won’t even try to express the feeling; words fall away when you’re bearing witness to the birth of a new life. It was intense and beautiful and wonderful. It seemed impossible, yet it was right in front of us. This child that Nicole had nurtured in her belly for the past nine months had finally reveled himself to us. My heart opened out of a love I had never known, both for Nicole, and for this new little person who we had help bring into the world.

The pediatrician swept the baby up and placed him under the heat lamp. The baby’s breathing wasn’t right. Instead of crying normally, he was making a kind of grunting sound. Some of the meconium had gotten into his lungs and was causing difficulty in breathing. They kept working as Nicole tried to patiently wait to see her baby. They then told us they would have to take him to intensive care. They continued to try to clear his lungs while they awaited an incubator to take him off to the ICU. We asked if Nicole could hold the baby, if she could breast feed. He obviously wanted to eat, but they continued to work. The incubator arrived and they were preparing to take him away when finally, miraculously, the problem cleared. We were elated. Within a few minutes the baby was in nicole’s arms. She tried to breast feed and he latched on almost immediately. We were joyous. We laughed, hugged, kissed. We watched in wonder as Nicole fed her baby for the first time.

A family had been born.